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INVITE LILLIAN
to bring her coaching methodologies to
your group.
Call (480) 474-085
to
discuss your needs.
To see what Lillian has been up to visit her website:
www.LillianCoury.com |
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The Curse of Being Nice
"Being nice" is commonly thought to be a good thing, and generally I agree... BUT being nice can sabotage who you are because it is so pleasant, so easy to get along with, so NICE!!!
So why do I say "being nice" is a curse? Because if you're "being nice" without actually thinking about whether this is an appropriate attitude in any given circumstance, then it is a curse that you have put on yourself!
Ways "being nice" is harmful at work:
- It's a pleasant way to mask dishonesty or withholding
- It keeps leaders in the dark about what's going on around them
- It obstructs necessary feedback, so problems can't be addressed
- It calms the possibility of conflict
- It poses as acceptance of an unacceptable situation
Here's a story to help demonstrate just what I'm talking about:
Read the rest of the article... |
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Coaching Reflections
These questions are prompts designed to help you make distinctions between "being nice" and alternate behaviors to achieve greater influence and self-esteem.
- When are you most likely to "be nice" at work?
- What are you avoiding when you choose to "be nice"?
- What are your beliefs about "being nice"? This may be vastly different for men and women.
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Celebrating the Gifts of Life
In each newsletter, I will share about the gifts I have received – the people, organizations, relationships that have contributed to my life – and celebrate them by sharing a little of the story with you. This is my way of being an example of what I think we all need more of: namely appreciation and acknowledgement for the good we contribute to our world, in big and small ways. Contact information for each is in the Resources section below.
Here are mine – what are yours?
My parents gave themselves a 60th wedding anniversary party, and it was truly a celebration of a life-long partnership! The invited 80 people, 88 came! They planned it like it was their wedding, with a cocktail hour, sit down dinner, 5 piece band and a belly dancer, all at a local golf club in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. My father serenaded my mother with "The Girl That I Married" and I was bawling like a baby! Thanks, Mom and Dad, for a great party, and a great family! I love you.
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Books Which Invite Reflection
I've chosen two books that are excellent guides to design conversations that influence outcomes...and you can BE NICE while having them!
Powerful Conversations – How High Impact Leaders Communicate by Phil Harkins
The writing is powerful, the guidelines are clear, and applicable for real business and life situations. An excellent read, and an excellent how-to!
Difficult Conversations – How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
This book focuses a little more on the emotional drivers that make conversations difficult, and offers clarity around navigating those sensitive areas with poise and personal power.
Read the rest of the article here...
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Closing
I'm hooked on courtesy – the "pleases" and "thank yous" of everyday life. I still love having a door held open for me, and I do the same for others. These little things make the world a little more pleasant, a little easier to get through. So "being nice" also adds a sparkle to daily life. But "being nice" can be a curse when it's used to hide the truth...so "BE NICE" to yourself, and use niceness judiciously, consciously, and productively... you'll create value for yourself and those around you!
Sending you a nice smile of appreciation and gratitude...
Lillian |
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