I’ve chosen two books that are excellent guides to design conversations that influence outcomes…and you can BE NICE while having them!

  

Powerful Conversations – How High Impact Leaders Communicate by Phil Harkins
The writing is powerful, the guidelines are clear, and applicable for real business and life situations. An excellent read, and an excellent how-to!

Difficult Conversations – How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
This book focuses a little more on the emotional drivers that make conversations difficult, and offers clarity around navigating those sensitive areas with poise and personal power.

In each newsletter, I will share about the gifts I have received – the people, organizations, relationships that have contributed to my life – and celebrate them by sharing a little of the story with you.  This is my way of being an example of what I think we all need more of: namely appreciation and acknowledgement for the good we contribute to our world, in big and small ways.  Contact information for each is in the Resources section below.

Here are mine – what are yours?

My parents gave themselves a 60th wedding anniversary party, and it was truly a celebration of a life-long partnership!  The invited 80 people, 88 came!   They planned it like it was their wedding, with a cocktail hour, sit down dinner, 5 piece band and a belly dancer, all at a local golf club in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.  My father serenaded my mother with “The Girl That I Married” and I was bawling like a baby!  Thanks, Mom and Dad, for a great party, and a great family!  I love you. 

AAA Car Insurance was pleasant, responsive and efficient in handling my car accident claim.  Thank God no one was hurt, but my poor car was really a mess.  www.AAA.com

San Tan Auto Body in Queen Creek, Arizona was right there – literally!  The car accident happened at a 4-way stop sign, and there shop is at that intersection.  Son, Corey, and father, Jerry Smith, were my knights in shining armor – gentle, soothing, and professional in every way.  They worked with AAA to get things under way quickly and cost-effectively.  Not only that, their office is like a 50’s diner – their desks are red leather booths with jukebox at each, and neon signs on the wall.  Given how shaken up I was, they were truly a God-send.  www.santanautobody.net

“Being nice” is commonly thought to be a good thing, and generally I agree…BUT being nice can sabotage who you are because it is so pleasant, so easy to get along with, so NICE!!!

So why do I say “being nice” is a curse?  Because if you’re “being nice” without actually thinking about whether this is an appropriate attitude in any given circumstance, then it is a curse that you have put on yourself!

Ways “being nice” is harmful at work:

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Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of …..

We all know this line….it’s from our Declaration of Independence, as written by Thomas Jefferson.

The entire quote is

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happyness”.

Last weekend I watched a movie on TV starring Will Smith entitled “The Pursuit of Happyness”. It was painful to watch…really painful to witness this one man’s determination to make a better life for himself and his young son. His trials and tribulations were just agonizing…one of those stories where you wonder why bad things happen to good people! In one scene, he’s holding his sleeping son, and tears are slowly streaming down his face – no drama, no hysterics – just sadness and frustration. And yet there was a steely determination to pursue what he decided was his happiness.

So notice that in my title, I left out the end of the phrase!

That’s because I’d like you to consider: What YOU are pursuing in your life right now?
Is it happiness? Is it wealth? Love? Success? Health? Peace? Security? What are you pursuing?

And notice Mr. Jefferson didn’t say HAPPYNESS was an inalienable right – only the PURSUIT of happiness!So once again I go to my trusted dictionary, and here’s the definition I found:

Pursuit – the act of pursuing; an occupation, career, interest, etc. to which one devotes time and energy.
So of course I had to look up pursue:

Pursue – 1. to follow in order to overtake, capture or kill; chase 2. To proceed along, follow, or continue with (a specified course, action, plan, etc.) 3. To try to find, get, win, etc.; strive for; seek after (to pursue success)
If you’re reading this, you are alive!
 CHECK! One of your inalienable rights being enjoyed.

If you’re reading this, you are at liberty to do so, and I’m at liberty to write whatever I please! CHECK! Another of our inalienable rights being enjoyed.

But then what? When you finish reading this, what will you pursue?
I recommend you watch this movie…it’s soooo worth it! For all of us busy, ambitious professionals who are busy pursuing something, it’s great to step back for this message of hope…to actually experience that moment of happiness.

Please make a date with yourself for dinner and a movie…take a R+R break from the pursuit!

March 20, 2010 – Trail Ride and Fundraiser!

A day of fun, horses, desert and philanthropy to benefit the Black Stallion Literacy Foundation…
cowboy cookout after an hour and a half trail ride in the beautiful Sonoran desert (wildflowers should be spectacular this year!), with a little coaching to make your memories delicious!

For more information, go to www.lilliancoury.com/workshops

And to find out about Black Stallion Literacy Foundation, go to www.bslf-online.org

Saturday, April 17 – Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Event for East Valley Women

An exhilarating day filled with information on health, nutrition, finances and education, focusing on topics that will promote personal and professional growth for women.

For more information, or to register, go to www.goldcanyonbank.com
Lillian will be presenting the “Wealthy” segment… breakfast and lunch is included for $20!!!

For all details or to register go to:

www.lilliancoury.com/register

I chose the following books because they each offer a way of seeing the world that will stretch your mind like Silly Putty (remember Silly Putty???)…you don’t have to like them, but you may just learn something that you can apply to your life…that brings us back to asking, “What if…?”

In each newsletter, I will share about the gifts I have received – the people, organizations, relationships that have contributed to my life – and celebrate them by sharing a little of the story with you.  This is my way of being an example of what I think we all need more of: namely appreciation and acknowledgement for the good we contribute to our world, in big and small ways.  Contact information for each is in the Resources section below.

Here are mine – what are yours?
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These questions are designed for greater self-awareness and understanding of yourself and the lifestyle and workstyle you are living.

• What are you “putting up with” in your life?  In your business?  What little thing can you do now  to improve the situation?
• What adventure or indulgence are you looking forward to?  If you don’t have one, pause and daydream – doesn’t have to cost a lot of money!  Can be as simple as an ice cream cone with sprinkles!  The idea is to anticipate something, something that gets your juices flowing…and build that into a habit.  The trail ride might be a good choice.
• What values do you live by?  Which of your values seems to take a back seat to other, more pressing issues?  What action can you take to revive that value in your life, so that you feel connected to what drives you?  (Is it volunteering, or making a donation, or giving someone a hug, or patting someone on the back?  Do it!)
• When was the last time you felt connected to nature?  Actually feel the warmth of the sun on your face…gaze at the night stars….smell a flower…listen to rain or waves…and then just breathe in the experience.

I just came from a lovely pot luck picnic for volunteers at the Boyce Thompson Arboretum…my partner John goes every Monday to play with cactus and other specimens of desert plants.  It’s a marvelous place – even the ride there is spectacular!  It’s about an hour east of the Phoenix Airport, and well worth the drive.

I met a lovely lady whose lifestyle simply intrigued me. She and her husband have been retired for over 12 years and live an “RV life”, as she described it.  They literally have no address – can you imagine!  But imagine this:  they live six months at a time in a place they love or want to explore, and they traverse the United States to visit family, and pick the loveliest places to volunteer.  They are now living on the premises of the Boyce Thompson Arboretum, and can only do so for two stints (two winter periods) and as of May 1 they’re off to the Oregon coast to help restore and develop public lands there.
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