This turns traditional thinking upside down and inside out…Let me give you a little background here….

When I began coaching, I had been in the printing industry in New York City for almost 20 years, had my own company with a partner for 9 years, and had bought her out and was running the business by myself…I felt the LONELINESS of running a business by myself…Can you relate to that? Even when you’re surrounded by people, when you’re the leader, it feels like you’re carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders, while you’re trying to be a good role model, and feeling frustrated that others aren’t “getting” you or doing what you need…so I began joining organizations, and getting active in business associations and philanthropic groups to keep my edge sharp and be with people who were working hard to build something, too. So when I found myself supporting other business people, both business owners and executives, one person, my first client actually!, said I missed my calling: I was a coach!

Well, that was one of those defining moments in my life – EVERYTHING changed! I was meeting coaches everywhere I went, I was getting invitations to coaching seminars in the mail, I was meeting people who were raving about the great experience there were having with their coach! And I decided to investigate…to dabble ONLY! I liked supporting others, I knew what I was doing was working, but I didn’t know WHAT I was doing…so I got onto the internet to research coaching schools, and found the best one. I registered, and started a year long training, the end of which I got my first certification as a Certified Integral Coach with New Ventures West. I maintain that credential as well as the one with the International Coach Federation of PCC – Professional Certified Coach…

All that leads me back to the point I was making – I learned this Integrated Methodology that I have adapted for my people, the business professionals who make a difference in the world through the work they do, who have people reporting to them, and are responsible for the bottom line…

I call it the Inside/Out Success Model….

Let’s start out with this…

In our world, we pretty much believe that “I have to DO something, so that I will HAVE what I want, and THEN I will BE happy….”

But that is all backwards!!! That gets us into a fast track of frustration and unhappiness, because we go around in circles, and happiness seems so elusive…

If we turn it around, this is where we find relief: I need to BE my best self, then DO what I need to, in order to HAVE what I want”…

So for our work together, let’s agree that we will work on THIS premise:

BE….DO…HAVE

I will BE my best self…be who I need to be as a professional living my values, assuring that my beliefs support me, know myself and my desires, dreams and visions, BE the person I’m proud and happy to be, with myself and others….

Then DO what I need to, taking effective and focused action, managing time, technology and money, learning what I need to learn, getting the help that will assure my success, eliminate what I don’t need, delegate what I can, empower others…

And then I will HAVE what I want…because I’m working to achieve my goals with intention, and living each day in a way that I’m happy with who I am and how I’m showing up, regardless of outside circumstances. Persistence and consistent right action towards my goals WILL get me what I want, and then I’ll HAVE what I want!

BE…DO…HAVE!!!! Simple, new way of thinking….not necessarily easy. But worth the effort, honest!

CLARITY — a precious mindset, when you have it! GET it, in my workshop on June 16 in Phoenix…take a look at the BIG picture of your life, your professional world, your accomplishments, and find out what’s REALLY important to you…then build a roadmap with VISION, goals and actions, identify your network of support, and leave with CLARITY and a strategic plan! Only four hours, so time effective and PRODUCTIVE!

Full American breakfast served at one of Phoenix’s oldest and finest French restaurants (Vincent’s at Camelback), share the energy of like-minded business professionals, and get a follow-up coaching session with Lillian Coury.

Take advantage of early bird pricing and 2-for-1 specials, along with a great hotel deal at the nearby Embassay Suites (includes full breakfast and cocktail hour, right next to the premier Biltmore Fashion Plaza).

Find out more here.

I was cleaning out my Word Documents file (really I was looking for something and couldn’t find it, so decided to do some spring cleaning!), and found a book I wrote a few years ago. I’d like to tell you about it.

When I was newly transplanted to Arizona from the concrete canyons of New York City, and starting all over, Monday mornings were NOT filled with business activities to jump into. I needed to feel productive, and I listened to my body’s wisdom (one of the best resources I know!), and followed the instructions: I went every Monday to the Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix. I took tours, I learned about the new environment and plants I was surrounded by, and I would sit with my journal and write — my creativity was an outpouring of reflections and stories unlike anything I had ever experienced. I just kept writing as inspiration called, without editing, simply enjoying the process.

I went every Monday morning, before it got too hot — even in the summertime! I’d watch the hummingbirds and the butterflies, the rabbits and quail, the desert plants in varying stages of bloom. And I loved it all!

I really loved what I was writing, too! And it became apparent that this was to be a book…I did print it up, not as a self-published book, but as a printed, spiral-bound book I called “Monday Morning Musings”, and it contains 52 essays with reflective questions. I sold some, gave away some, and now found this book in my Word Documents.

It now occurs to me that this is a great tool for the best and brightest business professionals I know and work with…because all of us, regardless of how much we love our work, how successful we are, or how excited we are to make a difference through our work, we are still human, and Monday mornings can sometimes be a drag (especially after a deliciously wonderful weekend or relaxing vacation).

So I’m here to remind you that what you’re doing today is ideally what you envisioned for yourself, and that you’re living your dream…that you’re pursuing your happiness…that you’re building the relationships that give you joy and that you want to share your success.

Monday mornings are a time to reflect on WHY you’re doing what you’re doing, and checking for satisfaction, fulfillment and meaning…eliminate the blues!

But if you feel like you’ve strayed from your path, or lost your way, or you’re just tired of working so hard, I can only encourage you to RUSH to get back on track, to find that place in your heart that guides you to peace and happiness, so every effort is rewarded with the knowledge that you are working toward something meaningful.

Life is way too short to suffer too many “Monday Morning Blues” — I’d rather be sharing “Monday Morning Musings” with you, and encourage you to make a point on your Monday mornings to connect with why you’re doing what you’re doing, at a deep heart level. Then go kick butt!

Stay tuned for what I will be doing with my little book….right now I’m just enjoying reading and remembering those deliciously indulgent and creative times.

I’m in Brooklyn this week for my paren’ts 60th wedding anniversary — they’re throwing themselves a big party at a lovely catering hall…we’re going through old photographs, I’m planning to say a few words (probably more than a few), and I’m really excited for them!

They taught me how to work hard, play hard, and live well. I always worked for an allowance — it was not an entitlement! My sister and I always had a clothing allowance, and when it was spent, there was no more, until the next year. I got to check my dad’s commission statements against his commission checks…and that was the work and money part. But we always had vacations! They took us to Europe twice as kids…we always had family excursions, and went to the theatre, and opened our home every holiday for fun and family and friends and good food and lots of love!

I learned how important it is to work hard, play hard, and do it all with balance, grace and poise. In my career I learned to work smart, live well. And I continue to enjoy all aspects of life, of work, and of supporting family, friends, clients, and causes I believe in.

I’m so looking forward to sharing my parents’ celebration tomorrow night…their legacy to me is a life well lived, and making a difference in the world through my work. I’m blessed to be supporting others to work smarter, live better…I can only hope You are able to celebrate the people and accomplishments that give you joy!

I have found that most people want to be happy with the alignment of interests and workload….they want to contribute their best selves to the work they do. Does that describe you?

Helping is one of your drivers. You are proud of the work you do, and you are a problem solver, a creative participant in your profession…so you want to help…you want to give the best part of yourself whenever and wherever you can.

But helping can get in your way, especially when it interferes with your ability to get it all done, to do what you’re doing well…you get to feel overwhelmed, resentful, and may burn out!

There is a better way! Learn to say “NO” and learn to say “YES” so that you mean each one. You can say “NO” graciously, thus managing your time, energy and actually choosing to excel at what you do!

Learning to make choices, in all areas of your life, is one of the best skills you can develop. Of course, there will be times you must say “YES” to certain people, in certain situations, because that’s not only what’s expected, but demanded of you! I’m not talking about saying “NO” then.

Here are two patterns I see for saying “NO” or “YES” — what do you think?

~Saying NO keeps you from feeling helpful, and minimizes future positioning in business opportunities and reciprocity…you need to feel needed and show your worth.

~Saying YES is a knee jerk reaction — you expect something in return, so there is some implied condition attached, and that may be a subtle form of manipulation

You can say “YES” and be helpful without a condition attached…you can be a problem solver…you can develop relationships through connection of the “YES”, and build loyalty to help each other…but the premise thus far has been untested!

Life is lived in shades of grey…no black or white thinking. So instead of thinking “YES” OR “NO”, here are some reflections to help you make a good choice for yourself, and others:

~ Say “YES” with good reasons you can articulate for yourself

~ Say “NO” for a good reason, and offer that reason as a form of help and guidance. This may be a better idea, an alternate solution, or a way to avoid failure. The best gift is honesty (reframed to make it palatable).

~ Say “NO” when it’s not serving your, or the other’s, highest good…when there may be some manipulation or resentment as a result.

Here are reflective questions for you to consider, actually live in, to help you know your motivations and uncover your choices…the “yes” and the “no” will come naturally at some point…no need to force the issue. Post these in your office, or write on a card that’s easily accessible, and refer to them as often as you can, for big and little things!

~ What do I really want to do now?
~ What conditions (implied or otherwise) am I attaching to my YES?
~ What can I add to my NO that makes it truly helpful?
~ What do I get personally/professionally from my YES?

Remember, “NO” is a complete sentence! And there’s always “MAYBE”, but that’s a different discussion!

One of my favorite quotes is:

          People will forget what you do; they’ll forget what you say, 

but they’ll never forget how you made   them feel.

Your actions may be exemplary – you may be an excellent role model and an efficient manager.  You may speak the right words, write clear memos and lead efficient meetings.  BUT how you make people feel is what will form their attitude toward you, and they may bring you enthusiasm or boredom, loyalty or deceit, concern or apathy, creativity or dullness.

 How can you get a handle on what’s really going on in people’s minds?  Sure, you can ask them.  The rub here is whether they will tell you the truth.

 A better approach is to notice body language and voice tone. Read the rest of this entry »