Human beings are judgment machines – we’re hard-wired to judge everything, because that was originally how we survived! We had to determine what was dangerous, even life-threatening, every single moment of the day.

But today, we are still judgment machines, and that’s a good thing, but it always amazes me how many people squelch their opinions for what they think is the prevailing opinion, or the popular opinion, the opinion that relieves them of independent thought and thus individual responsibility.

To have your own opinion means having confidence in yourself – confidence in your ability to assess, to think objectively and independently, to make decisions and live with the consequences. This is especially critical for innovative leaders, who need to think¸ express opinions while encouraging opinions of others to help them navigate the challenges of creating value for themselves and the people they work with….and their organization’s success.

If you constantly defer to others’ opinions, then you are voluntarily handing over your power to others, and you lose any control over your destiny.

Your opinion does count, in small and big ways:

• How you vote…whether government ballots or volunteer organizations
• What movie to see…what music to listen to…what furniture to buy…
• Whether to further your education or which career to choose
• Determining which product to manufacture or which ad campaign to select
• Which bank to trust or accountant to rely on

The power of having an opinion increases when you are willing and able to change your opinion when your outlook shifts due to new information, or change in circumstances…be honest with yourself first about the opinion you do have, be willing to share it, and then be willing to lead from that place, or lead from the power of a changed opinion.

What’s your opinion?

It starts next week!

I’m so excited to share my inspiration with you – I have gathered a group of experts, including me!, and we’re going to have 5 conversations over 5 weeks to give our listeners lots of tips and strategies to help you win at work.  You’ll no doubt recognize at least several of these experts: Pamela Moss, Annamaria Paluha, Kathleen Lorden, Ann Michael Henry, and Helen Kim.

When I originally envisioned this project it was after I had met these women at a Master Mind put together by our mentor, Lisa Sasevich.  The unusual part about it is that there is not only no cost for the series but none of us are trying to sell anything during the calls, either. It’s a gift all six of us want to give you.

We intend to give you strategies and tips to win at work with:

• Clarity and vision
• Personal power and health
• Successful relationships
• Mastering your tech environment
• Prosperity and money

To find out more, or to register, go to http://www.worksmarterlivebetter.us/5strategies.html I hope you’ll be on the calls but if you can’t, register anyway and we’ll send you the MP3 recordings so you can listen at your convenience.

I’ve chosen two books that are excellent guides to design conversations that influence outcomes…and you can BE NICE while having them!

  

Powerful Conversations – How High Impact Leaders Communicate by Phil Harkins
The writing is powerful, the guidelines are clear, and applicable for real business and life situations. An excellent read, and an excellent how-to!

Difficult Conversations – How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen
This book focuses a little more on the emotional drivers that make conversations difficult, and offers clarity around navigating those sensitive areas with poise and personal power.

In each newsletter, I will share about the gifts I have received – the people, organizations, relationships that have contributed to my life – and celebrate them by sharing a little of the story with you.  This is my way of being an example of what I think we all need more of: namely appreciation and acknowledgement for the good we contribute to our world, in big and small ways.  Contact information for each is in the Resources section below.

Here are mine – what are yours?

My parents gave themselves a 60th wedding anniversary party, and it was truly a celebration of a life-long partnership!  The invited 80 people, 88 came!   They planned it like it was their wedding, with a cocktail hour, sit down dinner, 5 piece band and a belly dancer, all at a local golf club in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.  My father serenaded my mother with “The Girl That I Married” and I was bawling like a baby!  Thanks, Mom and Dad, for a great party, and a great family!  I love you. 

AAA Car Insurance was pleasant, responsive and efficient in handling my car accident claim.  Thank God no one was hurt, but my poor car was really a mess.  www.AAA.com

San Tan Auto Body in Queen Creek, Arizona was right there – literally!  The car accident happened at a 4-way stop sign, and there shop is at that intersection.  Son, Corey, and father, Jerry Smith, were my knights in shining armor – gentle, soothing, and professional in every way.  They worked with AAA to get things under way quickly and cost-effectively.  Not only that, their office is like a 50’s diner – their desks are red leather booths with jukebox at each, and neon signs on the wall.  Given how shaken up I was, they were truly a God-send.  www.santanautobody.net

“Being nice” is commonly thought to be a good thing, and generally I agree…BUT being nice can sabotage who you are because it is so pleasant, so easy to get along with, so NICE!!!

So why do I say “being nice” is a curse?  Because if you’re “being nice” without actually thinking about whether this is an appropriate attitude in any given circumstance, then it is a curse that you have put on yourself!

Ways “being nice” is harmful at work:

Read the rest of this entry »

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of …..

We all know this line….it’s from our Declaration of Independence, as written by Thomas Jefferson.

The entire quote is

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happyness”.

Last weekend I watched a movie on TV starring Will Smith entitled “The Pursuit of Happyness”. It was painful to watch…really painful to witness this one man’s determination to make a better life for himself and his young son. His trials and tribulations were just agonizing…one of those stories where you wonder why bad things happen to good people! In one scene, he’s holding his sleeping son, and tears are slowly streaming down his face – no drama, no hysterics – just sadness and frustration. And yet there was a steely determination to pursue what he decided was his happiness.

So notice that in my title, I left out the end of the phrase!

That’s because I’d like you to consider: What YOU are pursuing in your life right now?
Is it happiness? Is it wealth? Love? Success? Health? Peace? Security? What are you pursuing?

And notice Mr. Jefferson didn’t say HAPPYNESS was an inalienable right – only the PURSUIT of happiness!So once again I go to my trusted dictionary, and here’s the definition I found:

Pursuit – the act of pursuing; an occupation, career, interest, etc. to which one devotes time and energy.
So of course I had to look up pursue:

Pursue – 1. to follow in order to overtake, capture or kill; chase 2. To proceed along, follow, or continue with (a specified course, action, plan, etc.) 3. To try to find, get, win, etc.; strive for; seek after (to pursue success)
If you’re reading this, you are alive!
 CHECK! One of your inalienable rights being enjoyed.

If you’re reading this, you are at liberty to do so, and I’m at liberty to write whatever I please! CHECK! Another of our inalienable rights being enjoyed.

But then what? When you finish reading this, what will you pursue?
I recommend you watch this movie…it’s soooo worth it! For all of us busy, ambitious professionals who are busy pursuing something, it’s great to step back for this message of hope…to actually experience that moment of happiness.

Please make a date with yourself for dinner and a movie…take a R+R break from the pursuit!

This turns traditional thinking upside down and inside out…Let me give you a little background here….

When I began coaching, I had been in the printing industry in New York City for almost 20 years, had my own company with a partner for 9 years, and had bought her out and was running the business by myself…I felt the LONELINESS of running a business by myself…Can you relate to that? Even when you’re surrounded by people, when you’re the leader, it feels like you’re carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders, while you’re trying to be a good role model, and feeling frustrated that others aren’t “getting” you or doing what you need…so I began joining organizations, and getting active in business associations and philanthropic groups to keep my edge sharp and be with people who were working hard to build something, too. So when I found myself supporting other business people, both business owners and executives, one person, my first client actually!, said I missed my calling: I was a coach!

Well, that was one of those defining moments in my life – EVERYTHING changed! I was meeting coaches everywhere I went, I was getting invitations to coaching seminars in the mail, I was meeting people who were raving about the great experience there were having with their coach! And I decided to investigate…to dabble ONLY! I liked supporting others, I knew what I was doing was working, but I didn’t know WHAT I was doing…so I got onto the internet to research coaching schools, and found the best one. I registered, and started a year long training, the end of which I got my first certification as a Certified Integral Coach with New Ventures West. I maintain that credential as well as the one with the International Coach Federation of PCC – Professional Certified Coach…

All that leads me back to the point I was making – I learned this Integrated Methodology that I have adapted for my people, the business professionals who make a difference in the world through the work they do, who have people reporting to them, and are responsible for the bottom line…

I call it the Inside/Out Success Model….

Let’s start out with this…

In our world, we pretty much believe that “I have to DO something, so that I will HAVE what I want, and THEN I will BE happy….”

But that is all backwards!!! That gets us into a fast track of frustration and unhappiness, because we go around in circles, and happiness seems so elusive…

If we turn it around, this is where we find relief: I need to BE my best self, then DO what I need to, in order to HAVE what I want”…

So for our work together, let’s agree that we will work on THIS premise:

BE….DO…HAVE

I will BE my best self…be who I need to be as a professional living my values, assuring that my beliefs support me, know myself and my desires, dreams and visions, BE the person I’m proud and happy to be, with myself and others….

Then DO what I need to, taking effective and focused action, managing time, technology and money, learning what I need to learn, getting the help that will assure my success, eliminate what I don’t need, delegate what I can, empower others…

And then I will HAVE what I want…because I’m working to achieve my goals with intention, and living each day in a way that I’m happy with who I am and how I’m showing up, regardless of outside circumstances. Persistence and consistent right action towards my goals WILL get me what I want, and then I’ll HAVE what I want!

BE…DO…HAVE!!!! Simple, new way of thinking….not necessarily easy. But worth the effort, honest!

CLARITY — a precious mindset, when you have it! GET it, in my workshop on June 16 in Phoenix…take a look at the BIG picture of your life, your professional world, your accomplishments, and find out what’s REALLY important to you…then build a roadmap with VISION, goals and actions, identify your network of support, and leave with CLARITY and a strategic plan! Only four hours, so time effective and PRODUCTIVE!

Full American breakfast served at one of Phoenix’s oldest and finest French restaurants (Vincent’s at Camelback), share the energy of like-minded business professionals, and get a follow-up coaching session with Lillian Coury.

Take advantage of early bird pricing and 2-for-1 specials, along with a great hotel deal at the nearby Embassay Suites (includes full breakfast and cocktail hour, right next to the premier Biltmore Fashion Plaza).

Find out more here.

I was cleaning out my Word Documents file (really I was looking for something and couldn’t find it, so decided to do some spring cleaning!), and found a book I wrote a few years ago. I’d like to tell you about it.

When I was newly transplanted to Arizona from the concrete canyons of New York City, and starting all over, Monday mornings were NOT filled with business activities to jump into. I needed to feel productive, and I listened to my body’s wisdom (one of the best resources I know!), and followed the instructions: I went every Monday to the Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix. I took tours, I learned about the new environment and plants I was surrounded by, and I would sit with my journal and write — my creativity was an outpouring of reflections and stories unlike anything I had ever experienced. I just kept writing as inspiration called, without editing, simply enjoying the process.

I went every Monday morning, before it got too hot — even in the summertime! I’d watch the hummingbirds and the butterflies, the rabbits and quail, the desert plants in varying stages of bloom. And I loved it all!

I really loved what I was writing, too! And it became apparent that this was to be a book…I did print it up, not as a self-published book, but as a printed, spiral-bound book I called “Monday Morning Musings”, and it contains 52 essays with reflective questions. I sold some, gave away some, and now found this book in my Word Documents.

It now occurs to me that this is a great tool for the best and brightest business professionals I know and work with…because all of us, regardless of how much we love our work, how successful we are, or how excited we are to make a difference through our work, we are still human, and Monday mornings can sometimes be a drag (especially after a deliciously wonderful weekend or relaxing vacation).

So I’m here to remind you that what you’re doing today is ideally what you envisioned for yourself, and that you’re living your dream…that you’re pursuing your happiness…that you’re building the relationships that give you joy and that you want to share your success.

Monday mornings are a time to reflect on WHY you’re doing what you’re doing, and checking for satisfaction, fulfillment and meaning…eliminate the blues!

But if you feel like you’ve strayed from your path, or lost your way, or you’re just tired of working so hard, I can only encourage you to RUSH to get back on track, to find that place in your heart that guides you to peace and happiness, so every effort is rewarded with the knowledge that you are working toward something meaningful.

Life is way too short to suffer too many “Monday Morning Blues” — I’d rather be sharing “Monday Morning Musings” with you, and encourage you to make a point on your Monday mornings to connect with why you’re doing what you’re doing, at a deep heart level. Then go kick butt!

Stay tuned for what I will be doing with my little book….right now I’m just enjoying reading and remembering those deliciously indulgent and creative times.

I’m in Brooklyn this week for my paren’ts 60th wedding anniversary — they’re throwing themselves a big party at a lovely catering hall…we’re going through old photographs, I’m planning to say a few words (probably more than a few), and I’m really excited for them!

They taught me how to work hard, play hard, and live well. I always worked for an allowance — it was not an entitlement! My sister and I always had a clothing allowance, and when it was spent, there was no more, until the next year. I got to check my dad’s commission statements against his commission checks…and that was the work and money part. But we always had vacations! They took us to Europe twice as kids…we always had family excursions, and went to the theatre, and opened our home every holiday for fun and family and friends and good food and lots of love!

I learned how important it is to work hard, play hard, and do it all with balance, grace and poise. In my career I learned to work smart, live well. And I continue to enjoy all aspects of life, of work, and of supporting family, friends, clients, and causes I believe in.

I’m so looking forward to sharing my parents’ celebration tomorrow night…their legacy to me is a life well lived, and making a difference in the world through my work. I’m blessed to be supporting others to work smarter, live better…I can only hope You are able to celebrate the people and accomplishments that give you joy!